9:44 a.m. - 03/19/2008
heartache revisited
Just reading through that last entry. I've been doing almost all of my blogging at myspace, but today I needed to do some more personal thinking and this is the place for that.
I think my marriage is falling apart. I'm pretty sure that over the years in this blog I've written about Marc's head injury about 10 years ago and how he's such a different person. I've been through grief, depression, and so many other emotions with that. I mean, in essence, my husband died and somebody else took his place. Things truly haven't been the same.
Friday will be our 23rd anniversary. I have the day off and Marc can take off whenever. Two weeks ago I told him I'd have the day off and we could do something fun. He told me that he was signed up to play in a golf tournament that day. Well shit on that. It's our anniversary. a few days later he said he'd dropped out of the tourney & we could celebrate. That really made me happy. Then, last night I heard him on the phone and discover that he's now playing golf friday morning AND with another group in the afternoon. To hell with our anniversary.
I'm beginning to feel more like his employee than a wife, or even a close friend. I cried last night. My heart even aches. My heart is broken. I don't know how much more I can put up with and ignore. Just when I think things will be a bit better, something happens that just smashes it against a wall.
Perhaps Iwould be better off without him. I'd forgotten what heartbreak feels like and it sure does hurt.
